Pain Summary:
Lower back: 5
Bottom of left foot: 4
Upper back: 3

I’ve decided that while I’m journaling I’d give a summary each morning of my pain for quick reference.

Last night I went to bed very stressed out. The painter finished and we have started putting the family room and office back together. I have a notification set up so that my bank will email me if our account drops below $1000. I got that notification last night. I checked my account balance and saw that we had $200 in our checking account. This is the lowest it has been in a long time. That saddest part of this is that I am making more now than I ever have. I guess its true what they say – you spend what you make.

Rachel apologized and explained that this is the only thing that brings here enjoyment anymore – remodeling, organizing and decorating. I told her I’m not mad at her. I can never be mad at her. My mom left my dad when I was in 6th grade. I’ve heard various reasons for their separation and divorce, but what I heard most was that my mom felt my dad was too controlling. I know there were a lot of money fights. I remember before the split up they sat all of us kids down and explained that we were really struggling with money. My mom had maxed out some credit cards that my dad didn’t know about.

My mom has talked to me about this since. It wasn’t just her fault. They didn’t work together. She had needs to provide for and wasn’t sure how to do it. My dad turned a blind eye and never asked questions. One particular Christmas, we got spoiled. We got everything we wanted. I remember it well because I got a Nintendo. My mom said they were really struggling with money that year and had no money for Christmas. She couldn’t bare the thought of us waking up Christmas morning with nothing so that is when she decided to put everything on a credit card. She said my dad just enjoyed Christmas and never asked any questions as to how she got everything.

I don’t want to be like this. I know I need to have more regular discussions with Rachel about money. Now she wants a trampoline, swing set, and a sandbox in the back yard for the kids. When I say “sorry, we can’t afford it right now” she gets upset with me and calls me a dream killer. It is really hard to take.

We have been in bad situations before. At one point we owed $41,000 in consumer debt (cars & credit cards). That is when we sold our house in Kearns and moved to a slightly cheaper home in Taylorsville. We spent the next 3 years digging out of that hole. I refused to borrow money. We went without air conditioning for a whole summer because of it. I never wanted to got back there, yet here we are.

The good news is that I earn twice as much as I did back then and we don’t have nearly as much debt. Off the top of my head, I would say we have the following:

$10,000 to Ken & Laura remaining from a loan of $18,000 we took to buy our current home.
$5,000 on a Visa credit card I have mainly used to purchase my expensive cancer pills
$2000 on an American Express card we use for cash back on everyday purchases. We generally pay this off each month
$1000 on a Costco American Express card.

I may be a little off no the numbers here, but I figure we are roughly $18,000 in debt. Now I just need to make a plan to get out of this hole and then get Rachel on board. But I need to do it in a way that she doesn’t feel accused. It is hard because we have four kids with wants and needs as well as our own wants and needs.

I talked to the people renting our house yesterday. I let them know we are planning on selling that house this spring. He let me know they were planning on moving out July 1st. Now I’m wondering if we just wait until they move out to sell it. We could really use the equity right now. I think we paid $279,000 for it 4 years ago. That was when the market was much higher. I we could somehow manage to get that amount out of it, I think we would be back in black. We owe about $219,000 on our mortgage for that house. So if we made $60,000 on the sale, and figured 6% for realtor fees, that would leave us with about $43,000. After paying off our debts listed above we would have about $25,000. But, there are some needed repairs in order to sell it, so we may go into debt more doing so. I figure it may need about $10,000 in repairs in order to sell it. so that would leave us with $15,000. The numbers go down from there if we can sell it for $279,000 obviously. but if we could somehow walk away with $15,000, I would put $10,000 in the bank for an emergency fund and use $5,000 to take my family to Disneyland.

So, here’s hoping for a brighter financial future this summer!