For the past year and half I have really loved my job. The past few weeks I’ve been very frustrated. Today seemed to be going well. I have a couple of meetings with Joel. The first one we went over a number of ticket items I had questions on that I needed to get done. I thought it went well.

Then in the afternoon I had another meeting with Joel. He told me that in my position I needed to step up, work extra hours, be on call after hours and over the weekends and be willing to work if anything comes up. He also told me I needed to be very excited about stats project.

The truth is the stats project is extremely boring. When I moved off the Proton team I was told that I would be working on “cool new stuff”. I helped recruit Luke Larsen to work on the front-end of the system. I always looked at the stats project and something I was getting started that I would turn over to other developers once it was time to start working on Job Dash.

Now I’m being told I need to own the stats project and love it. I’m being told that I need to put my job before my family. I’m not willing to do that.

I didn’t know what to say. I came home very sad and frustrated. Sure I have a great job with great benefits, but is it worth working on a project I don’t enjoy with a person I don’t enjoy working with.

I would just go out and find something new. I’m contacted by headhunters often. In fact I was contacted by one this afternoon for another python job in Salt Lake.

But the frustrating thing is that I’m sort of tied to my benefits. My cancer pills cost $7,000 per month without insurance. My out of pocket maximum is met so I get these pills free for the rest of the year on my insurance plan. I’m in a situation where I feel stuck. I can’t leave because I need the benefits. I don’t dare complain or say something because I don’t want to get fired.

So what do I do? Do I speak up and say something at the risk of getting let go? Do I just grin and bear it and try my best and if things don’t improve look for something new in December?

It is just crazy that things went from great to bad so fast. I don’t even really enjoy the free lunches anymore. It used to be my favorite perk. Now I’m on a diet and I don’t eat much of what they order anymore.

The ironic and sad part is that this has me so frustrated with work that I’m miserable at home so I don’t even enjoy my time with  my family.

I guess that tells me something. No amount of money is worth being miserable and making your family miserable too.